My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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