He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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