I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
