i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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