i permit you to call me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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