I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
