Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
