his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize