i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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