This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
