I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
