Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
