Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
