Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
