I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
