this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
