My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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