he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
