I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
