Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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