dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This baby is an asshole
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
