There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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