Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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