i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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