YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
