I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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