You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
