I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize