Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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