I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
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