If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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