I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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