coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
