benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
