u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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