i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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