just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
