All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
