at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
