dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
