I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
