forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
