I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize