i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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