Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
