I will die if light touches me.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
