So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
