went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
