don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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