I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
