Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
