covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
