its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
