I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
