I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
