I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize