I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Someone signed my nipple.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
