now i know why i became what i already was.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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