Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
