My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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