whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
