How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
