Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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