Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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