why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
please come you make the beer taste better
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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