How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
