DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize