I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
