I'm so fucking centered right now
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
you made out with another girl for some wings
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
