very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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