Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
