he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
