A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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