I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
